“My clients don’t like to masturbate. They think that their
vaginas are gross and ugly.” This statement came out during a presentation that
I went to recently. The therapist was relaying some frustrations about women
connecting to their bodies and taking ownership of their sexuality.
Masturbation is a key to that empowerment. (No really. It is huge.) And so is
reveling in our bodies, all of our bodies.
Statements like, “Vaginas are gross and ugly,” hurt my
heart. They remind me of all of the social messages that we receive. “Don’t
touch that. It’s dirty.” “Make sure you wash your vulva, so you don’t smell
like a fish.” “You need to douche in order to be truly clean.” “Don’t be too
hairy down there.” “You must wax your vagina completely and then add crystals
to it, in order to be presentable.” “You shouldn’t let your partner perform
oral sex. It’s gross for him or her or hir.”
It is so difficult to get past messages like these, and yet
they hold us back from celebrating our beauty, all of it. I have done a lot of
work to let these statements go. They still get in my head sometimes, and I am
quick to move them out. My vulva deserves better. I deserve better. My
connection to myself is worth much more than a douche commercial.
Here are some techniques that I used to connect to my vulva:
I educated myself about my anatomy. I read empowering books, Cunt: A
Declaration of Independence by Inga Muscio, is a good one. I started
masturbating. I took up yoga. All of these things have helped me to connect to
my vulva and to see its beauty. And it is a beautiful, strong, powerful part of
our bodies. It deserves to be celebrated as much as the rest of us, if not more.
How do you see the beauty in yourself, all of it?
- Lauren, Negative Social Message Burner
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