Go Germany for Giving Space to Intersex Individuals!

I am giving Germany a shout out this week! They are doing good policy work around supporting intersex individuals at birth. First, let’s shed some light on the intersex population of the world. For those of you who are unfamiliar, the term intersex is a socially constructed category for individuals whose biological sex (internal, external, and/or hormonal) does not fall within the typical male/female categories. Individuals with a wide range of medical diagnoses that lead to these differences are labeled as intersex. If you think about everyone’s biological sex as a continuum, on the far left there are strictly biological females (because I am a left handed female not for political purposes) and on the far right there are strictly biological males. In the middle, there is a huge gray area of variations in biological sex. That gray area has been socially labeled as the intersex area. Typically one cannot identify an intersex individual just by looking at him/her/hir, so they are not an obvious group, which makes it harder to bring awareness to their oppression. They are silenced and considered invisible.

We know that stigma and shame and internalized oppression and fear and forced medical interventions and ridiculousness live in silence. If we never bring awareness and broaden our view of biological sex, then those things can continue. Germany is starting that conversation, and I say good for them. Starting in November, German babies born with, “indeterminate genitalia,” can be given the label of a blank biological sex on their birth certificate, instead of being forced into the arbitrary male or female biological sex categories through involuntary surgery. Forced medical intervention on a baby so young is problematic, because the child is not old enough to voice what sex they feel most comfortable with. The parents and doctors may choose an inappropriate sex, and hormones and genital surgery may need to be changed or reversed. The blank biological sex option is a big freaking deal, because it immediately allows parents and the medical community to wait (or to never) perform any surgery on genitalia that may be outside of the ordinary. AND THAT is very exciting! It also helps us start the conversation about biological sex variation!

So go Germany! Maybe this will help us all recognize the biological sex continuum, bring acceptance, and move forward!

-          Lauren, intersex individual conversation starter and continuer

Let's Talk about Power and Privilege

With the emotional struggle of Hugo Schwyzer and the rise of hash tag #SolidarityisforWhiteWomen, there has been a lot of chatter this week about power and privilege within the feminist movement. One person challenged feminist bloggers to address this topic in their blogs, so I am attempting to do so. I must say something up front. I am a social worker by training, and this conversation still makes me nervous. I am scared that I will say anything wrong. I am choosing not to let that stop me, and I am open to critiques and comments. If we let fear stop us, then the conversations can never happen. AND this blog is all about starting conversations, whether in the comments section, on Twitter, on Facebook, or in real life.  

So let’s have a conversation about my identities. First, I am Caucasian, which brings me a huge list of deeply ingrained social, economic, and institutional perks, including institutional power, access to social networks, the benefit of the doubt in every situation, a lack of racial profiling, media representation, assumptions about buying power, historical representation, the list goes on. Second, I come from a higher socio-economic status and an educated background, which offers me access to better education, better community services, better food, cleaner (literally) environments, the assumption that I will achieve BIG things, and again access to social networks. I am also heterosexual, which means that I have the right to marry in every state and country, to tax breaks, to mainstream acceptance, to funeral proceedings, to benefits, to safety, and to be seen. Fourth, I am a cis woman, which offers me access to SAFETY, consistent appropriate medical care, again mainstream acceptance, again the right to marry in every state and country, a wide range of supportive employers, media representation, and TO BE SEEN. I am also able-bodied, which gives me access to any building, any room, any public space, to have a voice, to be treated like a capable adult, to be represented in mainstream culture, again access to a wide range of supportive employers, to widespread acceptance, to approval of my sexuality. On top of all of this, I do not have a mental health disorder diagnosis, which offers me affordable insurance rates, a lack of coercive and traumatizing care, acceptance in the medical community, acceptance in media, acceptance in mainstream society, and the assumption that I am, “normal,” which is incredibly powerful. 

Now, this is not a completely comprehensive list of my privilege. I am sure that there are more and more and more things that I could add. I try to recognize this power and use a social justice focus in my blog posts. I try to make them about universal issues, and I have to admit to myself that I cannot always do that. So if you are interested in adding your voice to this blog through guest posts, please let me know. I welcome the broadened conversation.

-          Lauren, privileged blogger trying to start a dialogue

What IS my Vision for my Professional Self?

The next few weeks are kind of major for me. Big things are happening! (No, I am not having a baby or holding a secret wedding.) I am leaving my job in order to take on an internship, so I can pursue my interest in becoming a therapist. I have been trying to break into the clinical field for a while now, and I feel very privileged to have this opportunity. Not everyone gets to be an intern at 29 years old. Not everyone has the flexibility to pursue their real passions. Not everyone can take a leap of faith into the wild professional unknown without a safety net. I owe a lot of that of that privilege to my partner, who has a well-paying job and who is incredibly generous/incredibly tired of me being upset about my professional aspirations. 

Now that I have the space to dream about my professional future, I am left with some major questions! I wonder what I want that future to look like. What are my true aspirations? Yes, I want to be a therapist, but what kind of therapist do I want to be? What is my pie-in-the-sky vision for success? How will I know that I have, “Arrived?” Some of these questions will fall into place as I explore my options. Others will require some work. 

My therapist has always encouraged me to create a vision board, or a collage of images that represent what you want. I have always shrugged off that suggestion, never feeling like I had the opportunity to dream big, but now I do. I might take her up on that idea. Caroline Miller also suggests that we take twenty minutes per day for one week to, “Think about your life in the future. Imagine that everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all of your life goals. Think of this as the realization of all of your life dreams. Now, write about what you imagined.” 

There are all kinds of exercises like these online. Some of them feel a bit cheesy, and that is okay. I encourage you to play around with them. Give yourself permission to create a vision for your future. It is important to have a dream!

-       Lauren, new to this professional vision thang!

When Dress Codes and Sex Collide!

After a raucous game of Cards Against Humanity during a party last weekend, a friend mentioned the idea of thinking about sex in the form of dress codes, like casual, business casual, semi-formal, etc. I had never really thought about it before, and I was surprised that it had never come up in conversation. Sex and fashion cross lines constantly in our society. How can we live in a world of fake see-through skirts and never have talked about dress codes and sex before? Seriously! SO we are fixing that today. 

When I first thought about this idea of levels of formality in fashion and in sex, of course I began with the traditional route of relating the dress codes to emotional commitment in sex. (I.e. A one night stand would be at a casual level of attire, hence casual sex.) However, I think that is less interesting and not necessarily a parallel way of thinking about it. It is much more interesting to think about it from a perspective of financial commitment. When you buy a formal gown, you are making a SERIOUS purchase. This is not a simple tee shirt or a pair of flip flops. This is a full-length, beaded chiffon gown. (Think gown for the Oscars.) That requires a higher level of cash flow, much like the deeper financial investments that one might make with a BDSM lifestyle. So here is how this plays out for me: 

Casual Attire – Here is where you would find the lightest financial investment. Perhaps you have purchased an expensive lubricant, but that is the largest purchase you have made. I would consider this the most casual level of investment, and therefore the casual attire of the clothing/sex world.

Business Casual Attire – Maybe you have purchased a vibrator or a paddle. Maybe restraint ropes. That is an added level of financial commitment, so it adds a layer of fashion formality. 

Cocktail Attire – Maybe you have purchased several different types of sex toys, like different kinds of vibrators, paddles, or crops. Maybe you have invested in some light positioning equipment. Those can add up, but they are not quite to the formal, beaded chiffon gown. The financial investment is more like a really nice, knee-length dress. 

Semi-formal Attire – This is when you have upped your game. Perhaps you invested in an under-the-bed restraint system, rubber sheets, or more expensive hand-crafted toys. Again, this is an added layer of financial commitment, so you have increased the level of formality.

Formal Attire – We can think of this as the highest echelon of sexual accoutrement. Here is where you would see the free-standing BDSM apparatuses, the more complicated positioning equipment, and the most expensive toys. No jelly vibrators here! This is the hand-beaded gown of the sex world, and the financial commitment at this level is LARGE.

Sex and fashion in terms of financial investment. That is what I think of when dress codes and sex collide. How do you see those two coming together?

-          Lauren, current sex blogger and brand new fashion blogger!