Busting Some Orgasm Myths with Miss Mary Roach (By Proxy)

Hello Everyone!

Today, I bring you a TED talk given by Mary Roach on the Orgasm. Now, I have three things to say before we get started. One, the TED people have gotten a ton of flack for only posting certain videos and not others. (Something about pandering to conservative funders?) I don't really care. This is a great TED speech, and I like to support people who will post videos that involve sexual health facts.

Two, I am not posting this video to say that sexuality can be boiled down to just the orgasm. Sexuality is so much bigger than that! It's how we see ourselves, how we feel about ourselves, how we connect to one another, how we express our personalities, and how we celebrate who we are. Sexuality is huge. I just like the video.

Three, Mary Roach is freaking brilliant. And she is not paying me to say so. Her book Bonk, which focuses on sexual health and research, is amazing. I must have highlighted at least three things in each chapter. She writes with humor and curiosity and approachability, which can be difficult when you are talking scientific stuff. That is Ms. Roach's gift.

So without further adieu, I give you Mary Roach's TED Speech, "10 things you didn't know about the Orgasm."

Now, go on with your bad selves and celebrate the new wrinkle that you just created in your brain!

- Lauren, Supporter of amazing sexual health speeches that are also ACCURATE 

Bottoms Up!

I was at a dinner last week, and an emergency room doctor happened to be there. Someone asked her about her most interesting patient. She started talking about this person who came into the emergency room, because they were using a glass vase for anal play, and it had shattered. This is not the only emergency room story that I have heard. I asked another doctor the same question. “What is the most interesting thing that you have seen?” (PS Not even asking about anything anal) He said, “I had to remove a dinosaur toy from a woman’s rectum. She had used it during foreplay, and it had gotten stuck.”

I am 100% for experimentation. Abso-freaking-lutely. I am the last person to espouse the beauty of doing the same thing over and over. For the love of yourself, try new things AND get educated in the process. Because no one wants to be an emergency room story. 

Just to get you started, here are the top seven tips that I have come across from Good Vibrations, EmpowHer, and Nerve:

1.  Make sure that your partner is willing and comfortable. AND that you are willing and comfortable. This will probably require some conversation.
2. Make sure that you and your partner are both well. You want clean digestive tracts during anal play. Sickness = Not fun time
3. USE LUBE. Not spit. Not Olive Oil. Not KY. Not even Astroglide. You need thick, water-based lubricant that will most likely only be found online or at a sex toy shop.
4. Start small and go slowly. Rectal tissue can tear easily, so you want to start with something very small, like a finger, before you move to larger objects.
5. When you are ready, use toys that were designed for anal play. You want something with a larger base so that it does not get easily sucked up into the anus. Don’t use anything that can shatter either.
6. Do not cross anal and vaginal play. Anuses contain bacteria that are harmful to vaginas. Do not mix the two.
7. Use condoms. Rectums are especially susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases, because they are so delicate. 

There are many more things to learn about anal play outside of this list. Tristan Taormino and Nina Hartley have written extensively on the subject. Please read the information and use it. Remember to honor yourself in your play! 

-          Lauren, Droppin knowledge today!     

What do you WANT to do?

You guys, I had my mind blown yesterday, and I have been obsessing about it ever since. I was innocently sitting in the closing lunch of a conference that I had been working at when the speaker said something profound. He said, “What do you WANT to do? Not what do you think that you CAN do. Not what you think that you SHOULD do. What do you WANT?” This may seem really basic and obvious to some people, but I have not thought about that in a really long time. I am talking at least two years.

Instead, I have been answering that question from a place of CAN. I could do this. I could do that. Opportunities feel really limiting and not very exciting when you put them in could terms. Coulds are two seconds from shoulds, and should usually mean chores, which are never WANT to dos but HAVE to dos. And man, have to dos totally suck, don’t they? I have to do laundry. I have to pay my bills. I have to go to the grocery store. (Insert your own here.) I don’t want my life to be full of have to dos without any want to dos.

What do you want? WHAT DO YOU WANT? I am finally in a space to answer that question without feeling completely overwhelmed or burdened by the enormity of the concept. It’s really liberating. You should try it yourself. It feels really empowering to say, “This is what I want out of my life.” And this idea will seep into every facet of your life, including your sexuality.

So what do you want in your life?

- Lauren, Seeker of WANTS not CANS