Sometimes you have to put yourself first!

I did something really radical this weekend. I put myself first FOR THE ENTIRE WEEKEND. I have never done that before in my adult life. Sure, I have taken a day and devoted it to me. I have taken a mental health day from work and slept late. I have gotten massages and pedicures. I have gone shoe shopping and dress shopping. I have taken myself out to lunch. I have celebrated my birthday by reading in coffee shops and dancing with friends, but I have never taken an entire weekend to unplug and do whatever I wanted.

Turns out, what I wanted to do was spend the weekend in a fancy hotel watching television, eating room service, spending the day at the spa, and hitting the treadmill for a fun workout. (That is totally my fantasy. You are obviously welcome to your own.) I didn’t have to answer to or coordinate with anyone. If I wanted to have chips and salsa and chocolate cake for dinner, well I could do that. If I wanted to wake up early and watch television in bed, I could do that. If I wanted to spend four hours in a spa reading a magazine while not talking to anyone, I could do that. And I did all of that. IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!

I know that I talk a lot about celebrating yourself. One would think that would include taking weekends to indulge yourself. I guess that I never really knew how much I needed it or what a difference it would make. Maybe I haven’t really needed it until now. I am not sure. What I do know is that I would like to do this more often (than say once every twenty nine years), because it is incredibly important. And I think that it is important for all of us to remember that it is okay to put ourselves first. It doesn’t make you selfish, or self-absorbed, or lazy, or whatever else we might tell ourselves. It is key to remaining whole. So take this weekend to do whatever YOU want to do. Regardless of what others might think.

What would you do if you took a weekend to pamper (or whatever word you prefer) yourself?

-          Lauren, from now on putting herself first more often    

The things that we will do for friends!

I bought lingerie by myself for the first time yesterday. The piece was for a friend for her lingerie wedding shower. So we all know that I am a bit delayed in the underwear department. Maybe delayed isn’t the right word. I have refused to involve myself in the details of all things underwear. I did not wear bras for YEARS in college, and last year, at the age of 28, I discovered the beauty of a real bra fitting. I think that it is safe to say that I am not an underwear professional. I have only bought lingerie twice; both were for bachelorette parties and were purchased with at least one friend for back up.

This is all just to set the stage for what happened while I was buying lingerie yesterday. What an overwhelming experience! First, you have to find the lingerie department, which is ironically placed between the men’s suiting department and the small children’s department. Then, you have to think like the engaged person. THEN, you have to remember that you are buying lingerie that is supposed to be celebratory and will be shown at a party FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. Shit just got critical. Do you buy the standard yet pretty bra and panty set? Do you buy the slightly sexy/mostly comfortable night gown? Do you buy the mostly sexy/kind of cheesy night gown? Do you buy the see through tank and panty set? Do you buy the bustier with the garter belts? Do you buy the other night gown that also looks like a semi-formal homecoming dress? OR do you wave the white flag, pack it all in, buy the footie pajamas, and claim that it is a gag gift?

   

I will not tell you which one I bought, since that would ruin the surprise. I will just let you all in on a revelation that I had: some of us are just not lingerie people, and that is okay. Some people love lingerie. It makes them feel sexy; it helps set the mood. High five to you guys! Maybe I will be one of you someday! (It happened with bras. It could happen with satiny/gauzy stuff.) In the meantime, I am going to celebrate myself in cotton shorts and a sports bra, because that’s how I do.

-          Lauren, Lingerie wrangler for friends  

It's Time to get Nosey!

Sometimes you have to appreciate a neighbor who doesn’t ignore what is going on in the house next to him. Charles Ramsey, the man who helped three women and a small child escape from a Cleveland basement where they had been held captive for ten years, did not ignore a woman’s cry for help. He heard her screaming, and he ran to assist her. In fact, he put himself potentially in danger to help Amanda Barry and her daughter (and eventually the other two women) leave their captors. Charles Ramsey is a brave individual who got nosey, and I appreciate him for it.

Sure, we have all been taught to mind our own business or to stop staring or to stop eavesdropping. In general, that is some serious mannerly advice. It is when we take it to the extreme that we create problems. It is when we ignore the woman being raped in the middle of a crowded party, the woman being physically assaulted in a parking lot, or the women being held captive in a basement that WE HAVE A PROBLEM. These things are happening right in front of our eyes, yet we do nothing. We assume that people can help themselves. That they can pick themselves up by their boot straps. We believe that anyone can escape a horrible situation on their own, because we are all INDEPENDENT AMERICANS. 

It’s that kind of mentality (along with several others) that allows this crap to keep happening. SO maybe we should think differently. Maybe we should safely create an interruption. Maybe we should ask the woman next to us if she needs help after her boyfriend threatens her in a coffee shop. Maybe we should call 911 when we see, or hear, or suspect a woman is being assaulted. Maybe we should scream really loudly when we see something happening right in front of us. Do SOMETHING. (For more ideas click here.) We owe that to one another as fellow human beings. 

Have you ever created an interruption? What made you want to take action as a bystander? 

-          Lauren, who is not ignoring things anymore            

Why are we okay with jobs that don’t celebrate us?

This week we are chatting about JOBS. I was talking with my boyfriend about this particular topic over the weekend. We realized that we know a handful of people who really love their jobs; these are people who have jobs that fit their personalities and are in an environment created to help them be successful. We also know a bunch of people who really, really struggle with their jobs.

Struggling sometimes is okay. That is what growth is all about. It is how we are challenged to do better, to think differently, and to solve problems. It’s a lot like the stress/boredom tipping point. You need some stress to keep from being bored. You need to feel some strain to stay engaged with your job, BUT I think that a lot of people have moved way beyond the tipping point in their work.

My boyfriend pointed out that sometimes your job can be like an unhealthy relationship. I had never thought of it that way. We are incredibly unwilling to settle for second best in a relationship. We want to be with someone who appreciates us for who we are. We want to feel at ease with and supported by them. We want to know that we can count on them and that he/she/zhe sees our special qualities. At the same time, we are willing to put up with a ton of ridiculousness and stress for a pay check. 

I know that I have been in horrible job situations for much longer than I would have ever been in a relationship like that. Yet I stayed, afraid to move on, as can be the tendency with some unhealthy relationships. Maybe we are socialized to expect less from our jobs, to accept less from our work environments. HOWEVER, we need to recognize that is NOT okay and to do something about it. We deserve to be celebrated in all aspects of our lives, including our jobs. We spend enough time there!

Have you stayed in an unhealthy work environment? What made you leave? What did you look for with your next job?

-          Lauren, Advocate for Healthy Work Environments that Celebrate Us!