Let's Talk about Trauma Before having Sex!

Last week, my friend shared a story that sparked a major idea. She relayed a situation that another friend of ours had gotten into. Our friend had been on a few dates with a woman, and they had sex for the first time. During their sexual encounter, the woman began to talk in the voice of a small child. After they finished, she ran away and hid in a closet for a few hours. Some people will read this account and think, “Oh shit. That girl is crazy,” which is dismissive, dehumanizing, and typical. People who understand trauma would think, “Oh shit. That woman has been traumatized. She had a flashback during this sexual encounter, re-experienced a previous traumatic sexual assault, and she could not bring herself back to the present experience. I hope that she gets some help,” which is the trauma-informed, compassionate way of looking at this situation. 

It is becoming more normal in the mental health world to talk about trauma these days. We are recognizing how adverse experiences can deeply affect an individual and how to understand responses to traumatic situations. According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, there are several types of experiences that could be traumatic, like surviving sexual assault, a natural disaster, bullying, domestic violence, surgery, school violence, or a car accident. People react to these traumatic experiences in different ways. Some people externalize their feelings, becoming more impulsive, hyper vigilant, physically ill. Some may internalize their feelings, becoming more emotionally withdrawn or explosive. Others might be triggered by a particular situation and have a flashback to their traumatic experience, like in the situation mentioned above. The responses vary from person to person. 

I would like to see these conversations start to trickle into our communications with our sexual partners. We might ask our partners about whether or not they have tested positive for sexually transmitted infections, what types of toys they like to experiment with, or what their preferred positions are. It is not as typical to ask someone about their trauma history, and that needs to change. Traumatic experiences can greatly affect how someone relates to sex and sexual partners, as illustrated by my friend’s story. Asking someone if they have ever felt emotionally or physically unsafe during sex might save both partners from re-living a traumatic experience. It could also open the doors to an honest conversation, which is the responsibility of everyone involved.

What do you think? Have you ever asked a partner about any traumatic sexual experiences that they have had? What happened when you did?  

- Lauren, proponent of trauma-informed sexual health conversations

Obstetric Fistulas. Holy F Balls, Why aren't We Talking about This?

Today, we are talking about obstetric fistulas, because it is unacceptable that up to 2 million women are suffering from them worldwide, according to the World Health Organization. In order for you to understand why I am so horrified, let me bust out some obstetric fistula information. 

-          According to the Our Bodies Ourselves HealthResource Center:

o   An obstetric fistula occurs when a woman must carry out prolonged labor (think five days or more), due to a lack of access to medical care.

o   During this labor, the baby’s head becomes stuck against the mother’s pelvic bone, causing the tissue between the vaginal wall and the bladder and/or the tissue between the vaginal wall and the rectum to disintegrate.

o   This leads to stillborn births in many cases and leads women to uncontrollably leak urine and feces in all cases.

o   Obstetric fistulas can be repaired with a relatively simple procedure to close the holes left by the disintegrated tissue. This surgery has a 90% healing rate.

o   In spite of this, women suffering from fistulas are often shunned by their husbands and their communities; leaving them to fend for themselves.  

While abortion and child birth are common parts of our American language, obstetric fistulas are not. This is because we live in a comfortable part of the world where women can access cesarean sections in an emergency. Through the World Health Organization’s research, we know that this is not the case for women living in extreme poverty in Africa or South Asia, where most survivors are living. Medical care is difficult to access and expensive in these areas. Women are also typically dependent on husbands and undervalued in these cultures, so families have little incentive to help them. It is easier to shun them, force them to leave the community, and find a new wife who can carry on the birthing process.

I am not okay with this. Luckily, there are organizations that are doing good work to prevent women from suffering from obstetric fistulas and helping those who already have them. Here are a few of them:

1. The World Health Organization – Doing research about fistulas and creating programs to prevent them
2. The Campaign to End Fistula – Bringing awareness, funding, policy change, and collaborative work to countries most affected. They have a great video here.
3. Engender Health – Creates programs that offer medical supplies and trained staff to increase maternal health
4. Hamlin Fistula Foundation – Funds the Addis Ababa Fistula Hospital, which works to prevent and repair fistulas and provide a community of support to survivors. PBS did a great documentary about the hospital, which you can find here. 

- Lauren, putting a spotlight on a serious world problem   

Five Things that Inspired Me this Week

It has been one hectic week, and I am about to go out of town. (Yeah weekend away!) Normally, I would do a longer post on a particular topic. Today, I am sharing five stories that give me hope. Lately I have been realizing that a lot of my professional life has been motivated by anger. I have been really angry about how marginalized and oppressed people are treated in this country (the United States), and my work has been about changing that. Until now. I am exploring a new professional direction by pursuing my interest in counseling. It has been a huge shift in my life, and it has given me the space to feel hopeful and inspired again. I know this is a major privilege, and I am sure that I will be back in the advocacy arena someday. Right now, I am enjoying some peace. 

With that being said, I bring you five stories that have inspired me this week:

1. The story of Doctor Denis Mukwege, a gynecologist in the Democratic Republic of Congo, who offers life-saving surgeries to women who have been brutally raped, a war tactic often used in this region. He has been nominated for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize and rightfully so. I find his dedication and solve to be completely staggering.  
2. An interview that Terry Gross, host of Fresh Air on National Public Radio, did with Elizabeth Smart, a woman who survived a kidnapping and extensive brutal attacks for nine months when she was fourteen years old. She is now married, completing her college degree, and running the Elizabeth Smart Foundation. Her resilience and insight amaze me.
3. An interview that Jon Stewart, host of the Daily Show on Comedy Central, taped with Malala Yousafzia, a young woman who continues to speak out for education despite being shot in the head for it. When asked how she would have responded if a Taliban member had confronted her directly, she stated that she would have told him that she fights for education for herself and for other girls, even his daughters. THAT is incredibly wise. She was also nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.
4. The article that features the top five college campaigns that champion the need for consent in sexual situations. A lot of articles I read about college campuses are the sensational ones. Football teams caught in gambling scandals. Fraternity members sending emails with guides to rape. Racist parties. All kinds of bad news. It was refreshing and heartening to find an article that highlights the amazing work that students are doing on campus.   
5. The recent bill passing in California that allows nurse practitioners, certified nurse-midwives, and physician assistants to perform abortions, essentially expanding access to legal, safe abortion in this state. In a year that saw record numbers of bills passed to limit abortion access and a huge number of abortion providers close because of it, California’s legislation gives me hope.

What stories gave you hope or inspired you this week?

-          Lauren, hopeful about people as I move into the weekend  

I kind of love Wet Seal today!

I never thought I would say this, but I am kind of loving Wet Seal right now. In my high school days, I missed the phenomenon that is Wet Seal. By the time I was into tight, inexpensive, synthetic clothing, H&M had already won my wallet, and there wasn’t room for two discount clothing stores in my life. So I have largely ignored Wet Seal and other stores like it, until today! I came across this story on XO Jane, and it warmed my heart.

You see, Wet Seal made a young person’s dream come true, when they asked her to model their clothing for a new ad campaign. This young person is named Karrie Brown, and she happens to be diagnosed with Down syndrome. Individuals with Down syndrome have a hard time building muscle tone and are not typically very tall, which are usually requirements for models. Our narrow framework of beauty would have typically kept Karrie from modeling jobs, but a photo of her in Wet Seal clothing began circulating the internet in August. It got some attention, and Karrie created a campaign to convince Wet Seal to use her as a model. Eventually, Karrie’s hard work paid off; when Wet Seal agreed that she should be their latest model. 

This makes me really happy for a few different reasons:

1. Wet Seal showed a young person that their dreams can come true through persistence and work. That doesn’t always happen.
2. Wet Seal is shining a spotlight on a typically invisible population and creating space for them in society. This is hugely important when we think about acceptance
3. The ad campaign is not infantilizing. Oftentimes, people with developmental and cognitive disabilities are treated like small children, even as adults.
4. I would like to think that maybe this ad campaign is one step toward broadening our conversation about beauty and idealized social norms.

      So, the next time I need a new tank top or trendy clothing item, I might just use my money to support Wet Seal, a company that is expanding the conversation of who deserves to be a model. I, for one, am ready for that chat! 

-          Lauren, new Wet Seal supporter