Y’all, I feel the need to talk about bodily functions this
week. (No we are not talking about peeing on our partners today. Maybe later.)
I have been avoiding the subject until now, because I am not completely
comfortable with it. I will say that I am not as bad as a friend of mine who
cannot say the words, “Fart,” or, “Poop,” because it freaks her out. I can say
them. I just don’t want to do them where my partner (or my co-workers, or my
friends, or my family members) can hear. It feels like a very private moment
between me and my body that is suddenly shared with others. AND I HATE IT. I
would rather not bond over these things. I want to pretend like they don’t
happen.
This probably comes out of my perfectionist tendencies. I
want to be amazing and bionic and super human. Not someone who does those
embarrassing things in front of others. Ew. Super humans do not fart at inopportune
moments. Bionic people do not poop in front of their co-workers; they probably
hold it until no one else is in the bathroom.
It reminds me of a story from my freshmen year of college. I
was in the bathroom with someone else, and she was pooping and farting loudly.
My first thought was, “Oh that poor girl must be so embarrassed. I will just
pretend like this isn’t happening for her sake (And probably mine).” I finish,
and I am washing my hands, and my roommate walks out. She says, “Sometimes you
really have to poop.” She was so nonchalant about it. I almost passed out from
shock and awe right then.
I write these things not to gross you out but in
an attempt to be more like my old roommate. I am still working on it. I want to get
to a place where I can say, “Whatever people, I had to poop.” I think that
would be very freeing, and it would give me space to accept all of myself,
including my gastrointestinal tract. So I salute those of you who shrug off the
bodily function thing. I will be one of you someday!
-
Lauren, Private Bodily Functioner Laid Bare
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