Sex with one person FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. It's a choice.

Lately, people have been asking me about my future marriage. They specifically want to know how I feel about having sex with one person for the rest of my life. (Blogging about female sexual empowerment can open up all kinds of fun conversations!) To be honest, I had not really thought about it in that term: FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. My fiancé and I have discussed long term monogamy in a broad way, like how neither of us could handle the level of communication and schedule juggling an open relationship requires. We have also admitted that we each have a slight jealousy streak (in a healthy way) that would make it difficult to have outside partners. Sharing is just not for us. At the same time, it can be really overwhelming to think about the fact that I am committing myself to having sex with one person for the next sixty or so years. I know that I am, and I realize that is PART of what our marriage will be about, but it’s still kind of daunting to think about.

My friend has a brilliant philosophy that I remember when I start to hyperventilate; it is, “I wake up every morning, and I recommit myself to my partner.” I love this for a few reasons. First, it keeps the focus on the here and now, so we don’t get all stuck in the past or jump to the future. Second, it helps us all remember why we are in the relationship in the first place. Third, it reminds me that my future marriage and monogamy is a choice, and I am embracing it with open arms. I am enthusiastically saying, “Yes,” as another friend would put it. My partnership is not about economic support or social obligation, like it might have been in past decades. My future marriage is about acceptance, growth, fun, adventure, mutual appreciation, laughter, open communication, dedication, and love.

Let’s also keep it real. This is not a romantic comedy. I 10000000% expect there to be rough patches and lulls in our sex life (and relationship). That is not a reason to panic. It’s not always going to be like when we first started dating, and that is okay. It’s part of being in a long term relationship. That is why we have all of the other stuff, like dialogue, acceptance, support, so we can talk about it and reconnect. Because we recommit ourselves each day. 

How do you think about long-term monogamy, if you do?

- Lauren, committing to one partner for the rest of my life