I saw a tweet last week from Ali Spagnola about retiring the term, “Walk of
shame.” Holy crap balls, how come I have never thought of that? It is such a
short phrase, but it has a huge impact on framing the way that we view sex, as
most language does. When we say, “Walk of shame,” we are usually referring to
seeing a woman (or being that woman) who possibly spent the night at someone
else’s house, presumably to have sex, and returns to her home (or classroom) in
the morning wearing the same clothes and makeup and mussed hair. We are
essentially using it to say, “She probably got laid, and she should definitely
feel bad about that. If not, she is a total slut.” We don’t usually know the woman’s
circumstances; we are just making a judgment about her and what she has
supposedly done. We don’t even know if she had sex, and if she did, if it was
consensual. One tiny phrase brings up all kinds of negative social stigmas and
keeps patriarchal rape culture alive and well.
I used, “Walk of shame,” a few months ago to describe why I
hate that Austin hosts a billion running events every year, which shuts down
different streets, making it impossible to get home after a night out. But you
know what? I take it back. I had consensual sex with someone who I really
liked, and I should not have to hide that when it happens, even as people give
me sideways glances. I should be proud of it. In this case, saying that I did a
walk of shame just perpetuates the idea that all sex is bad/wrong and that women
(especially) should not be having it, which as we all know is total bullshit.
So fuck it. I am done. Walk of shame? Not using you anymore.
What do y’all think?
- L, saying goodbye to yet another term from her vocabulary
and feeling good about it
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