Back in June, I got engaged. I have alluded to this a few
times on my blog, but I have never talked about it directly. I just wasn’t ready.
I have been sorting through a lot of feelings about the wedding for the past
few months. Yes, the wedding. Not the marriage part. To me, marriage should be
a right for everyone (or government sanctioned civil unions for everyone, if
you would prefer). A wedding is a whole other ball of wax; it is totally a
privilege to have a wedding, even a small one. I posted earlier this year that
I have not been planning my wedding since I was four, and I had no idea what I
would want. I went on to say that my long-term boyfriend and I would probably
not get married, which I was totally fine with, because really, who freaking
cares. Until he actually asked me to marry him, my parents gave us a very
generous budget for the ceremony and reception, and I stumbled onto Pinterest,
then I started to actually care A LOT. And it felt fucking weird, let me tell
you. (Just a note, I do know that engagement also means marriage. Wedding stuff
freaked me out more.)
I never thought that I would care about my wedding. I
thought that we would do the bare minimum, and that would be okay. I didn’t
want to make a huge to do about everything, because I was really uncomfortable
with the privilege attached to it. It felt like I was declaring, “Yep, I can do
all of this. Look at me lording all of this over all of you who can’t have a
wedding like this. Mwahahaha.” Sometimes I have this mentality of minimizing opportunities
given to me. I don’t want to make other people feel bad. Plus, a lot of people
in the world are suffering; a wedding seems kind of silly then. But here is the
thing. My parents gave me a huge gift, one that they are not going into debt
over; one that allows me to have the celebration that I have chosen to have. It
is okay to revel in that. It is okay for this to be special and unique and fun.
It is okay to care about something that feels frivolous. Sometimes we need that
in our lives.
It has taken me months to get right with this whole big
wedding thing, but I am there. Now, I am excited. Now, I want to talk about
wedding plans with friends. Now, I want to make sure the wedding is a
reflection of us, which sounds ridiculous but totally true. Frankly, this is a nice place to be.
- Lauren, future bride who is finally embracing this whole
wedding thing
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