Once More with Feeling!

Does anyone else get the feeling that it isn’t cool to talk about emotions in connection with sex anymore? Like it went out of vogue or something? I feel that way. I think that our culture discounts the emotion piece a lot. As with many things (*Cough, political “debate”), it’s like we have split into this polarized society. On one end of the spectrum, people expect us to have sex, because the bible says so. We have sex to procreate or to prolong our marriages. It’s all about intimacy. On the other end of the spectrum, people have sex because it feels good. We are in the moment. We only live once, so let’s explore everyone. What our society is missing is the middle ground. 

There are a BILLION reasons why people have sex, emotions being one of them. More like BILLIONS, because there are billions of us. According to the fabulous book, “Why women have sex,” there is never just one reason why women have sex. We are complicated people, and our reasons for having sex are as varied as we are. It comes down to our moods of that day, of that hour, of that moment. It comes down to how we feel about ourselves, the person in front of us, and our station in life, our future, our past, and everything in between. There are layers and layers. 

But we never talk about that. Our sex conversations really boil down to the superficial. We rarely, if ever, talk about how we felt about the sexual experience. If we are lucky, we maybe spend two seconds talking about protection. Most of the time, we are focused on whether or not we look hot enough, whether or not we orgasm, whether or not the other person is enjoying themselves. AND that’s not everything.

Now don’t misinterpret what I am saying. I don’t think that every sexual experience is about love and pink cartoon hearts. That is ridiculous. I am saying that when we ignore our emotions in connection with sex, then we are missing a big piece of the puzzle.    

What do you think? Are we missing the emotional part of the societal sex conversation? If so, how do we get it back?

-          Lauren, emotion advocate