Oops, I forgot to plan my wedding from the age of four.

When I was little, I never thought about what kind of wedding I would have. I never played dress-up with a veil and my mother’s shoes. I don’t remember ever making my Barbie’s get married. (Yes, I had Barbie’s. That might have been to my mother’s chagrin.) I never had a wedding scrapbook or pictures of what I wanted to look like on my wedding day. I wanted to be a psychologist and an actress. I guess that a wedding felt like small potatoes compared to my life goals. 

As I got into my early to mid-twenties, I just assumed that I would never get married. I have a big personality, and I was dating people who couldn’t, “Handle” me. Plus, I had a life to sort out. I was always focused on moving to a new city, or figuring out my career, or finding the next step in my life. I could deal with marriage and wedding questions later. That was for older Lauren to figure out. 

Well, now I am older and feeling more stable, and I am in a solid, wonderful relationship. A BUNCH of my friends are getting married, so SOMETIMES I think about marriage and a wedding. Let me just tell you that this stuff is more complicated than I ever thought it could be. I don’t know if I believe in marriage as an institution. I don’t know what marriage means to me. I don’t know if I would want to change my last name. I don’t know if I am suddenly someone else’s daughter. That doesn’t even cover a wedding. Do I want something small and casual, or small and formal, or big and casual, or big and formal? Do I want a ceremony? Should small children be invited? Are seating charts necessary? AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

Basically, I missed my training ground in childhood, and now I am left to ponder all of this stuff as an adult, when it actually means something. How did y’all wade through the vortex that is marriage and a wedding? Or what are the questions that you are currently working through? 

-          Lauren, one confused non-bride living in a married world