Last weekend, my partner’s parents came for a visit. They
were not staying in our home, but they did want to see it. Now, normally I am
pretty obsessive about cleaning and organizing our home when people visit. I
want them to see US as organized, well put-together, and classy(ish). With his
parents in town, I saw the lack of perfection as a reflection of ME, like I was
not tending OUR home properly. It was like I believed that his mother would see
the dirt and find fault with me. Even though his mother is a really nice person
who would never think that. It was all me, you guys. ALL ME. I was the one
putting pressure on myself and stressing out over figment judgments and non-existent
blaming. It is amazing how quickly we get thrown back into the 1950s when
people’s parents are in town.
How fucked up is that? What the hell happened? What is it
about partner’s parents that amp up the anxiety? And why did I go straight for
traditional gender roles, which my partner and I do not typically live in? Bah!
Clearly, society has a lot to do with this. We still live in
an age where girls are taught to tend the house, and boys are taught to take
care of the lawn. People continue to view women’s roles as sandwich creators
and homemakers. We are still supposed vacuum and dust and decorate, even in a
dual income household. And who the heck wants to be responsible for all of that
in a family of two, four, eight, or twenty? Obviously, women (and men) are
making strides, and we have a long way to go. AS EVIDENCED BY MY MINI FREAK OUT
THIS WEEKEND.
Has this ever happened to you? How did you talk yourself down?
(For me, it took a lot of self-chatting and reminding that this is OUR house
and OUR responsibility.)
- Lauren, recovering 1950s housewife throwback
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