Thursday, October 25, 2012

Existential Crisis!!!!!!!!!



Lately, I have been feeling very unsettled in my professional life. My mom and my therapist blame it on the universe being out of whack. Apparently, this is a time for discovery and brutal honesty. I have to say that I would like for the universe to quit fucking with me. I feel like I keep having these moments of clarity about what I want to do with my life, and then I pick them apart and question them. I am currently a social worker, and that has defined me for over six years. Now, I am not sure what to do.

I am pretty sure I am having an existential crisis. A mini one. I had a giant one on my 24th birthday, where I completely questioned how in the heck I had gotten to that space in my life. I was completely overwhelmed by E V E R Y T H I N G. This is not that. I am pretty happy with most of my life. I have good friends and a solid boyfriend; I like the city that I live in. I just have this unsettled feeling that I should be doing something else with my life, and I wish that I knew what that was. Before, with my giant existential crisis, I felt like I wanted to do something bigger and better and more challenging with my life. Now I have that, and I feel pretty done with it. 

I keep telling people that I want to do what I want to do. I have paid my dues. I am ready to do something meaningful that celebrates my assets and creativity and passion. It feels bratty to say that. People spend years and years and years paying their dues. They climb the corporate ladder, or they work two jobs while building their own business, or they toil away to earn their PhD. I don’t want to do any of that. I just want something small and satisfying and fun. Whatever that is. 

I have always just put one foot in front of the other and powered through. I am not sure that is how I should handle my mini existential crisis. What do y’all do when you feel like this?

-          Lauren, Some sort of future professional something or other   

2 comments:

  1. L Co, do you not want to be a social worker anymore? Our work is taxing and thankless at times, perhaps you are feeling a little burnt out? Maybe you should look into developing a new hobby, sometimes it helps when I focus on my other hobbies to keep myself going professionally when I feel burnt out and remind myself that I am not soley defined as a social worker. Maybe you should write more posts on your blog? It's good that you can keep powering through. Take time to focus on being grateful for all that you have accomplished this far at a young age. You rock!

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  2. Hey,

    Thanks! I think that I am burnt out, and I would like a break. I don't know if that means a break from this job or the field. I am struggling with it. A hobby might help. That is true! I will continue my quest to find one!

    What are your hobbies?

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