The story of my first step toward greatness (Hee hee)

Okay,

I have to be honest with you all. My first step in owning my sexuality did not come from within. I didn’t masturbate from a young age. I wasn’t in middle school holding a hand mirror to myself. I wasn’t reading Sex for One by Betty Dodson in high school. I was actually pretty disconnected from my body when I was younger, so it was nothing beautiful, or experimental, or empowering, or overtly feminist. My first step came in the form of a vibrator from the first boy I ever had sex with; we will call him Sean. He handed me this tiny, pink vibrator and said, “I think that you need to learn what turns you on and how you want to orgasm. It will make sex better for you.”

That was the first sex toy I ever owned. It was the first thing that helped me connect to my orgasm. It was the first instrument that helped me feel okay about my vulva. It helped me get one step closer to accepting and reveling in my sexuality.

A part of me wishes that I could rewrite that story. I wish that I could say that I started masturbating at the age of seven, and I never stopped. I proudly explored myself, and I never thought twice about it. I just kept getting better and better at it. (That would have been nice. Is that story true for anyone? If so, high five to you all!)

The other part of me will be forever grateful that Sean offered me a key to personal growth and sexual empowerment. It is not the only key, and we did not use it to explore together or use it as a bonding experience to bring us closer as a couple. (Isn’t that what all of the movies tout?) At least I can walk away from the experience and appreciate what it has brought me.

In a way, it got me here. And for that, I will put my party hat on and celebrate.

Yeah!

Lauren