So How do Feminists have Sex Exactly?

As an outspoken, proud, and loud feminist, I have fielded many ridiculous questions about feminism. Are all feminists man-haters? (NO, unless you are a misogynist asshole who wants to control my uterus, then yes.) Are all feminists lesbians? (I happen to not identify as a lesbian, but some feminists are lesbians. Some lesbians are also not feminists. Some feminists are straight and gay men. Some feminists choose not to identify by a specific sexual orientation or gender expression.) No questions make me wonder more than the ones that I have gotten about feminists and sex. These have come up during dates, during random conversations with people, during one night stands, during boring closing shifts at previous jobs, during over-caffeinated conversations in college, during alcohol-fueled debates, and during sophisticated dinner parties. Here are several that have consistently been asked:

• So if you are a feminist, do you always have to be on top?
• Can feminists be submissive in the bedroom?
• What if your partner wants to ejaculate on you, is that okay?
• Do feminists have sex from behind?
• Is it okay for feminists to give blow jobs?
• Do feminists have anal sex?

      Here is my answer to all of these questions in a nutshell: Feminists are people first, so they can have sex in any way that they choose.  It is helpful to discuss rules and roles openly with a partner(s) beforehand, because no one wants to have a paddle busted out on them without any warning. Despite what the media and society and politicians would have us think, our sexual predilections are not always a reflection of our societal beliefs. (See Larry Craig) Some feminists like being tied up and flogged while wearing a full-body leather suit and a ball gag. (Maybe in between writing pro-choice blog posts and calling their senators to vote against Texas Senate Bill 1) And I say more power to them. 

-         -   Lauren, feminist myth buster