She put that sugar on my tongue...

Alright people, we have been getting pretty deep lately. Talking about self-image, honoring boundaries, and representing yourself. These things are all important aspects of sexuality. They help us get in touch with ourselves and feel comfortable with who we are, which in turn helps us connect to our sexuality. We don’t always have to get super psychological when we are talking about sex stuff. Sometimes you need a light topic. Am I right? 

So this week, I am giving a shout out to Trick Daddy, Cee-lo, and Ludacris for their song, “Sugar.” Why? Because it is all about honoring the vulva. It’s not about slaying the vagina with their penises or having women ride their dicks. It is purely focused on how beautiful and wonderful the vulva is. Which is fucking awesome. Check it out!

I salute you Trick Daddy, Cee-lo, and Ludacris. I will add you to the list of musical artists that show vulvas some aural love, along with Lil Wayne. The list is getting longer, and I love it! 

-         -  Lauren, supporter of artists who respect the vulva   

What would be on your ME playlist?

Yesterday, I came across an article on Flavorwire about certain favorite bands that make you totally, “Undateable.” It had to be taken with a grain of salt, because one of my favorite bands is up there. And I don’t think that liking Foster the People makes me a douchebag. Maybe a little bit less hip than the average bear, but who cares? I can dance to that entire album. It also got me through the last hour of an eight hour drive, which you know is the worst hour of the whole trip. The songs may be written by a dude who used to create commercial jingles, but THAT ONLY MAKES THEM BETTER!

Anyway, I digress. We are here to talk about empowerment and celebrating oneself and connecting to our essence. That article did get me thinking about the songs that make up ME, or that tap into the different parts of me. What are the funny, smart, sassy, encouraging, interesting, heart-filled, sometimes awkward, covertly delicate, overtly strong, and sexy songs that have become more than just music and lyrics? What are my anthems? The songs that I can put on and they touch my soul every single time, because they have come to represent me. 

So I made a list of my top ten anthems, and I would encourage you to do the same. It is fun to hear a playlist of YOU, where you have been and where you are now. It is different from drawing how you see yourself. I almost think that it is more telling and more interesting. You are baring more through your playlist. Now, be gentle with your song choices; they don’t all have to be Flavorwire approved. This is YOUR list. Have fun celebrating the music that makes you, you!

To get things started and to keep me honest, here is a video for one of mine, Outkast's So fresh, So clean!

-          Lauren, Proud new owner of a ME playlist

Trials and Tribulations of the Back Spasm, or How I learned to Accept my Limits

For the last two weeks, I have been dealing with this giant back spasm. Everyone who knows me is tired of hearing about it. So I will sum it up like this, “HOLY FUCK BALLS THAT HURTS! OWWWW! I CANNOT DO ANYTHING! AHHHHH!!!” That is exactly what it has been like. Now, on the surface, a back problem like this may not seem like a huge deal. You don’t move. You relax, and you let it heal. It isn’t broken. My back muscles will stop freaking the fuck out and come back into place. That is all true. And superficially that is great. Yay! High five for healing.

Deep down, this has completely changed how I relate to my body. In the past, I have worked through physical pain and ignored little tweaks here and there. I still completed my work outs. I still maintained my physical discipline. I have consistently pushed myself to meet timing or rep goals. This injury would not let me do any of that. I have not been allowed to do any physical activity for two weeks. And I have had to really work on accepting my limitations, which I am not always stellar at.

Now that I can move again, I have to do it in a new way. I have to be gentle with myself. I have to honor my limitations. I have to stop pushing myself so hard. This is going to be incredibly difficult for me to do, and it is SO important. I never want to be in the back spasm space again, where I ignore my needs. I talk about celebrating yourself, and accepting your limits is a part of that. A piece that I am working on, and I am glad to have you all with me. 

-        -  Lauren, A new celebrator of physical boundaries   

Busting Some Orgasm Myths with Miss Mary Roach (By Proxy)

Hello Everyone!

Today, I bring you a TED talk given by Mary Roach on the Orgasm. Now, I have three things to say before we get started. One, the TED people have gotten a ton of flack for only posting certain videos and not others. (Something about pandering to conservative funders?) I don't really care. This is a great TED speech, and I like to support people who will post videos that involve sexual health facts.

Two, I am not posting this video to say that sexuality can be boiled down to just the orgasm. Sexuality is so much bigger than that! It's how we see ourselves, how we feel about ourselves, how we connect to one another, how we express our personalities, and how we celebrate who we are. Sexuality is huge. I just like the video.

Three, Mary Roach is freaking brilliant. And she is not paying me to say so. Her book Bonk, which focuses on sexual health and research, is amazing. I must have highlighted at least three things in each chapter. She writes with humor and curiosity and approachability, which can be difficult when you are talking scientific stuff. That is Ms. Roach's gift.

So without further adieu, I give you Mary Roach's TED Speech, "10 things you didn't know about the Orgasm."

Now, go on with your bad selves and celebrate the new wrinkle that you just created in your brain!

- Lauren, Supporter of amazing sexual health speeches that are also ACCURATE 

Bottoms Up!

I was at a dinner last week, and an emergency room doctor happened to be there. Someone asked her about her most interesting patient. She started talking about this person who came into the emergency room, because they were using a glass vase for anal play, and it had shattered. This is not the only emergency room story that I have heard. I asked another doctor the same question. “What is the most interesting thing that you have seen?” (PS Not even asking about anything anal) He said, “I had to remove a dinosaur toy from a woman’s rectum. She had used it during foreplay, and it had gotten stuck.”

I am 100% for experimentation. Abso-freaking-lutely. I am the last person to espouse the beauty of doing the same thing over and over. For the love of yourself, try new things AND get educated in the process. Because no one wants to be an emergency room story. 

Just to get you started, here are the top seven tips that I have come across from Good Vibrations, EmpowHer, and Nerve:

1.  Make sure that your partner is willing and comfortable. AND that you are willing and comfortable. This will probably require some conversation.
2. Make sure that you and your partner are both well. You want clean digestive tracts during anal play. Sickness = Not fun time
3. USE LUBE. Not spit. Not Olive Oil. Not KY. Not even Astroglide. You need thick, water-based lubricant that will most likely only be found online or at a sex toy shop.
4. Start small and go slowly. Rectal tissue can tear easily, so you want to start with something very small, like a finger, before you move to larger objects.
5. When you are ready, use toys that were designed for anal play. You want something with a larger base so that it does not get easily sucked up into the anus. Don’t use anything that can shatter either.
6. Do not cross anal and vaginal play. Anuses contain bacteria that are harmful to vaginas. Do not mix the two.
7. Use condoms. Rectums are especially susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases, because they are so delicate. 

There are many more things to learn about anal play outside of this list. Tristan Taormino and Nina Hartley have written extensively on the subject. Please read the information and use it. Remember to honor yourself in your play! 

-          Lauren, Droppin knowledge today!     

What do you WANT to do?

You guys, I had my mind blown yesterday, and I have been obsessing about it ever since. I was innocently sitting in the closing lunch of a conference that I had been working at when the speaker said something profound. He said, “What do you WANT to do? Not what do you think that you CAN do. Not what you think that you SHOULD do. What do you WANT?” This may seem really basic and obvious to some people, but I have not thought about that in a really long time. I am talking at least two years.

Instead, I have been answering that question from a place of CAN. I could do this. I could do that. Opportunities feel really limiting and not very exciting when you put them in could terms. Coulds are two seconds from shoulds, and should usually mean chores, which are never WANT to dos but HAVE to dos. And man, have to dos totally suck, don’t they? I have to do laundry. I have to pay my bills. I have to go to the grocery store. (Insert your own here.) I don’t want my life to be full of have to dos without any want to dos.

What do you want? WHAT DO YOU WANT? I am finally in a space to answer that question without feeling completely overwhelmed or burdened by the enormity of the concept. It’s really liberating. You should try it yourself. It feels really empowering to say, “This is what I want out of my life.” And this idea will seep into every facet of your life, including your sexuality.

So what do you want in your life?

- Lauren, Seeker of WANTS not CANS