It’s officially summer. At least it finally feels like it is
summer in Texas. This is the season where I fight to eat something other than
Caprese salads and hot dogs and to drink something other than ginger beer and
mojitos. Summer is also the time when we all get to face the truth that is
labia sweat. Yes, I said it: labia sweat. Natalie Angier in Woman: An Intimate Geography puts it
best when she states, “Whatever the size of the labia, inner and outer, they
sweat. The entire vulval area sweats, with the same insistence as the armpits.”
She goes on to state that we should be thankful for our labia sweat, because it
regulates our body temperatures. Without it, we would get heat stroke and other
heat related health problems more often, because our armpits alone cannot
regulate our body temperatures.
Here’s the thing. I am really glad that labia sweat is
keeping me from heat exhaustion, stroke, and possible death. However, it also
makes me look like I peed in my pants. For a grown woman with fairly strong
bladder control, this can be kind of embarrassing, especially when said person
buys light gray exercise pants without really thinking it through. Honestly, I
should not have to think anything through! Everyone should just know about
labia sweat and then get over it. But we aren’t talking about it! I know that I
have only had one or two whispered conversations about it, which frankly is
less often than I have spoken about mucus plugs during pregnancy and the kinds
of objects that people have gotten stuck in their rectums. This leads me to
think that labia sweat might actually freak people out more than either of
those things, and that needs to change.
So let’s all talk about it. Share this information with your
friends. Write a Facebook post about it. Text your friends a lovely, labia
sweat-related message. Hold a press conference about it. It is time to let
everyone in on the labia sweat secret and to wear whatever the fuck we want! Sweat stains be damned!
- Lauren, labia sweat-er not pants pee-er
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