Once More with Feeling!

Does anyone else get the feeling that it isn’t cool to talk about emotions in connection with sex anymore? Like it went out of vogue or something? I feel that way. I think that our culture discounts the emotion piece a lot. As with many things (*Cough, political “debate”), it’s like we have split into this polarized society. On one end of the spectrum, people expect us to have sex, because the bible says so. We have sex to procreate or to prolong our marriages. It’s all about intimacy. On the other end of the spectrum, people have sex because it feels good. We are in the moment. We only live once, so let’s explore everyone. What our society is missing is the middle ground. 

There are a BILLION reasons why people have sex, emotions being one of them. More like BILLIONS, because there are billions of us. According to the fabulous book, “Why women have sex,” there is never just one reason why women have sex. We are complicated people, and our reasons for having sex are as varied as we are. It comes down to our moods of that day, of that hour, of that moment. It comes down to how we feel about ourselves, the person in front of us, and our station in life, our future, our past, and everything in between. There are layers and layers. 

But we never talk about that. Our sex conversations really boil down to the superficial. We rarely, if ever, talk about how we felt about the sexual experience. If we are lucky, we maybe spend two seconds talking about protection. Most of the time, we are focused on whether or not we look hot enough, whether or not we orgasm, whether or not the other person is enjoying themselves. AND that’s not everything.

Now don’t misinterpret what I am saying. I don’t think that every sexual experience is about love and pink cartoon hearts. That is ridiculous. I am saying that when we ignore our emotions in connection with sex, then we are missing a big piece of the puzzle.    

What do you think? Are we missing the emotional part of the societal sex conversation? If so, how do we get it back?

-          Lauren, emotion advocate

A Love Letter to Boston

I have been feeling a lot of different emotions since I found out about the bombing in Boston. They have run the gamut from sheer panic (for my friends who live there) to relief (when I found out that they were okay) to guilt (for feeling relieved and for not being there to help or to share the shock) and now a profound sense of loss (for the protective bubble that I lived in and for the shattered memories). For four years, I called Boston my home. It was where I went to school, where I worked, and where I played. I had a really hard time when I lived there. I didn’t feel like I fit in, and I struggled A LOT.

For a long time, I blamed the city. I felt like an outcast, and it was Boston’s fault. It was too much of a hustling, bustling, real city. Rent was too high. There were too many buildings. Boston wasn’t radical enough. There wasn’t a place that could be all mine. There were too many people, and they weren’t nice enough. Everyone was trying to get ahead, to be smarter, and to do better. No one was trying to nurture me, the special snowflake.  

A little while ago, I made a trip back to my old stomping grounds, and I realized that Boston was never the problem. I just happened to live there at a tough point in my life. I was trying to figure out who I was, and that is never a pretty process. In fact, it can be downright ugly, and it can lead to YEARS of therapy. Seriously. But that isn’t because of Boston. The city, and the people in it, challenged me to grow in my independence, to figure out what I stand for, and to find out what is important to me. Those are not bad things; I just wasn’t prepared for them. 

So Boston (and its residents), as you pick yourselves up and put yourselves back together, know that I am rooting for you and supporting you from afar. You are a beautiful city with a rich, complicated history, and you will always have a special place in my heart.

-          Lauren, former Boston resident and current Boston cheerleader

We missed our anniversary!

Happy belated one year anniversary to the Pink Glitter and Brass Knuckles community! I was having so much fun posting about marriage and redefining the orgasm that I forgot to celebrate! This is tragic considering how much I love birthdays and accuracy. Well, we will just have to EXTRA celebrate today!

I want to thank each of you for exploring themes connected to women’s sexual empowerment with me over the last year. It has been really fun, challenging, and honest! I never thought that I would get to talk about about how we celebrate our breasts, how bicycling can affect our vaginal nerve endings, the history of fetish wear, or the truth about vibrator usage (it will not make you lose feeling in your clitoris). It has been exciting to watch this community grow to over 70 faithful readers per week, and I cannot wait to see where we go from here!  

These dancing gifs are for all of us! Let’s continue to celebrate ourselves and to expand the conversation around women’s sexual empowerment even more over the next year!!!

-          Lauren, one happy blogger!

Meet Nicole Daedone of One Taste!

Everyone, meet Nicole Daedone! She wants to change the way that you view female orgasms! This can be a touchy subject. We are talking about female orgasm more often in our society, and there are a billion unanswered questions connected to it. How do we define an orgasm? How do you know if you have had one, especially if it feels differently for everyone? How do you communicate with your partner the best way for you to orgasm? What if you can only orgasm with a vibrator? If you have never had an orgasm before, does that mean you are missing a giant piece of the sex puzzle? On the opposite side of the spectrum, can you have too many orgasms? What if one orgasm is never enough?

Sometimes an orgasm can feel like this tiny blue dot that you must find in a GIANT forest. You can almost hear a scientist saying, “We are hunting the elusive orgasm here in Yosemite National Park. We were told that one was spotted here yesterday. We want to capture it and place it in our lab for observation.”That kind of mentality puts a lot of pressure on us ALL and really limits our sexual experiences.    

Ms. Daedone wants to change all of that. She would like for everyone to take a step back and to shift how we look at orgasms. She believes that orgasm should be about a connection to self and the world around us, instead of a finite climax cycle. Check out her TEDx talk from San Francisco!

If you would like to learn more, you can find her website here.

Kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it? What do you think about Ms. Daedone’s stance?

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          -    Lauren, Orgasm questioner and redefiner