So people have been talking about the General Patraeus
scandal. He is the head of the Central Intelligence Agency. He had an affair
with his biographer, and investigators worry that he might have shared private,
sensitive information with her. Fine. Worry about that.
A local radio show had a bigger question: does
his wife have a role to play in the affair? Apparently his wife has gained a
significant amount of weight in the past few years, and she might not look as
good as she has in the past. (This is what the radio show is proposing. I haven’t
actually seen pictures.) They were suggesting that might have been part of the
appeal of an affair.
My kneejerk reaction is to defend General Patraeus’s wife.
His actions have caused her distress and humiliation. He couldn’t keep his
penis in his pants, so now their lives are being ripped apart on national television.
And let me just get this out of the way: I believe that you should talk to your
partner about issues in the relationship. You should work on them and put in
100% of your effort to fix them. Having an affair is not the answer. It is childish
and hurtful. Divorce someone before you have sex with another person OR have an
open relationship built on honesty.
I am left wondering about what I would do if my partner
gained weight and stopped putting in effort to keep up his appearance. I know
that bodies change over the years. That is not what I am talking about. I am
talking about a large shift in appearance that leads me to be less attracted to
him. And vice versus. What if I stop exercising and taking pride in how I look?
Is it fair for me to expect him to quietly sit as he becomes less attracted to
me? He fell in love with one person, and now she looks completely different. I
would hope that we could have a conversation about it before he chased down
some hot young thang. I would also hope that I could take action and
responsibility for my appearance.
There is also a fine line that you walk in a relationship,
and this is really tricky! What do you think?
-
Lauren, more shallow than she thought?
The reason for the shift in your partner should be addressed . What if the shift in the partner is tied to an illness , or a lack of something from the other . If it's illnesses do you love them less ? If your needs aren't getting met so you turn to something else instead of to someone else . It is complicated .
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, and I think that conversation should be had. Especially before someone decides to take their pants off. Much more complicated than I tend to think it is!
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