How I came to celebrate my breasts

Until recently, I have had an estranged relationship with my breasts. I don’t have names for them. I don’t talk to them. I don’t really refer to them very often. I only thought about them when I bought a dress or a top. I did go through a period in college when I refused to wear a bra. Mostly because my breasts are small, and I didn’t need one. When you are in your late teens and early twenties, you want to assert your independence, and I did. By not wearing a bra. It was fun while it lasted. My mom killed my freewheeling spree, when she pointed that my future self would be pissed if I didn’t start supporting my breasts. She said that they would sag, among other horror stories that were brought up for a few months. I knew that she was right, and eventually I agreed to wear bras again. We bought some inexpensive, quasi-supportive bras. And I wore them for seven years. Sure, they stretched and faded. But I really did not care. I was doing the bare minimum for my breasts.

Then I walked into an independent bra and underwear boutique in Austin, Petitcoat Fair. And something clicked inside of me. My breasts deserve better! They should have a bra that correctly fits them and cradles them. They deserve to have a bra that helps them stand tall and proud. I deserve better than the bare minimum. This was the first time that I have really felt that way about my breasts. It was a revelation, and it was awesome.

Who knew that carefully selected, beautifully crafted, and well-fitting bras could make such a difference? But they do! Everyone deserves to have this experience. It can change your relationship with your breasts for the better, and who doesn’t want that? 

What has helped you relate to your breasts?

-          Lauren, recent convert to the breast celebration club

In a cheating situation, whose fault is it?

So people have been talking about the General Patraeus scandal. He is the head of the Central Intelligence Agency. He had an affair with his biographer, and investigators worry that he might have shared private, sensitive information with her. Fine. Worry about that. 

A local radio show had a bigger question: does his wife have a role to play in the affair? Apparently his wife has gained a significant amount of weight in the past few years, and she might not look as good as she has in the past. (This is what the radio show is proposing. I haven’t actually seen pictures.) They were suggesting that might have been part of the appeal of an affair. 

My kneejerk reaction is to defend General Patraeus’s wife. His actions have caused her distress and humiliation. He couldn’t keep his penis in his pants, so now their lives are being ripped apart on national television. And let me just get this out of the way: I believe that you should talk to your partner about issues in the relationship. You should work on them and put in 100% of your effort to fix them. Having an affair is not the answer. It is childish and hurtful. Divorce someone before you have sex with another person OR have an open relationship built on honesty. 

I am left wondering about what I would do if my partner gained weight and stopped putting in effort to keep up his appearance. I know that bodies change over the years. That is not what I am talking about. I am talking about a large shift in appearance that leads me to be less attracted to him. And vice versus. What if I stop exercising and taking pride in how I look? Is it fair for me to expect him to quietly sit as he becomes less attracted to me? He fell in love with one person, and now she looks completely different. I would hope that we could have a conversation about it before he chased down some hot young thang. I would also hope that I could take action and responsibility for my appearance. 

There is also a fine line that you walk in a relationship, and this is really tricky! What do you think?

-          Lauren, more shallow than she thought?   

What the fuck is a vajacial?

I read that word this week while I was reading one of many celebrity gossip blogs that I follow. In it, there was a Women's Health interview with Isla Fisher in which she mentions the word, “Vajacial.” And I thought, “What the fuck is a vajacial?” Vajazzling? Sure. G Shot? Yep. Vaginal rejuvenation? Understood. But a vajacial? Nope. No idea. So I have done some investigating. Here is what I have found from a few different sources, including Bella Sugar Online and Stript Wax Bar’s website:

A vajacial (should read vulvacial, because they are focusing on the vulva) is an additional service for a woman the week after she has gotten a bikini wax in order to fight ingrown hairs. During the appointment, an aesthetician performs an anti-bacterial cleanse, an exfoliating treatment, an anti-freckle, anti-acne or calming mask, and a lightening treatment.

If you would like to, you can add a vajazzling treatment to your vajacial in order to add some bling to your newly cleansed vulva. 

I kid you not.

Now, we live in an age when we can botox our armpits in order to avoid sweat stains. A laser can melt our fat over a lunch break. Doctors can perform entire body lifts on people who have lost hundreds of pounds. Scientists can grow ears on mice and clone sheep. SO why do I feel horrified by anti-freckle masks and lightening treatments?  

I am not sure. A part of me says that we should accept our vulvas, freckles and all. A part of me recognizes that these types of treatments might help people feel more comfortable with their vulvas. And another part of me wonders how these treatments could possibly NOT lead to an infection.

 
What do you think?

- Lauren, Possible curmudgeon who needs to get with the times