I did NOT pee myself on stage!

This weekend, I performed for a friend’s theater show. Each week, he pulls together a set of performers, improvisers, and speakers to share their stories on a certain topic. This week was all about strange habits. There were several talented people who spoke on their need to memorize license plate numbers or to name their body parts. One particular sketch group did a piece on the behaviors that men do, which totally scare the crap out of women, like returning a sledge hammer late at night. I spoke on the first modern piece of fetish clothing, the Mackintosh Raincoat. 

For weeks before the performance, I was plagued with doubt. And right before I headed to the theater, I was a GIANT wreck. Pale, clammy, on the verge of vomiting, questioning my choices in life. I kept thinking about what was riding on this piece. It was my first appearance for Pink Glitter, and I wanted to make you guys proud. I also have not been on stage since summer camp in 2000, and I tend to be kind of shy (sometimes). All of that combined to make for a potential disaster, despite EVERYONE’S attempts to keep me calm. (Thank you for trying!)

But I made it through quite successfully, which you can tell since I am writing this post. I was completely composed and bold while on stage; the audience got super into the performance. And I had a ton of fun answering people’s questions after the show. I am so glad that I did it, despite all of the freak outs and mini breakdowns. 

We are stronger than we believe, and we should push ourselves outside of our comfort zones in order to see what we are made of! 

What have you done that scared you but turned out great?

-          Lauren, Stage conqueror and fear crusher  

Sex and Intimacy during Cancer

  

First, let me say that I have never been diagnosed with cancer, so I can absolutely not say that I know how it feels. I can imagine that it feels a bit like being whacked in the face with a baseball bat several times or being punched in the gut by a sumo wrestler. I also cannot imagine what it is like to receive a diagnosis and then have to tackle relating to myself and other people sexually again.

It seems like we forget about the sexuality piece once someone has been diagnosed. Our society really focuses on helping people navigate the medical arena. We want them to get a diagnosis, to go through treatment, and to feel better. We don’t really talk about the person’s sexuality. We forget that cancer doesn’t take away someone’s humanity. It doesn’t remove their need to connect with another person (or people). They will want to date and have sex and be intimate with others.

I had previously thought about sex and intimacy during the chemotherapy process after participating in a workshop with Jill Palmer, LPC. She spoke about the need to reconnect to your body and redefine who you are after a diagnosis. Ms. Palmer mentioned that the redefining process could have a MAJOR impact on how you relate to yourself and others sexually. She also stated that it doesn’t lessen or remove the need. It just might make it a bit more complicated. AND it would be less complicated if people felt supported in having conversations about sex and dating and intimacy during cancer.

I came across two articles this week that also delve into this topic. You can check them out here and here.

I am glad to see this conversation popping up more and more. It helps normalize people’s experience, and it expands our concept of sex and intimacy. 

- Lauren, gingerly stepping into the topic of sex and cancer    

 

How I came to celebrate my breasts

Until recently, I have had an estranged relationship with my breasts. I don’t have names for them. I don’t talk to them. I don’t really refer to them very often. I only thought about them when I bought a dress or a top. I did go through a period in college when I refused to wear a bra. Mostly because my breasts are small, and I didn’t need one. When you are in your late teens and early twenties, you want to assert your independence, and I did. By not wearing a bra. It was fun while it lasted. My mom killed my freewheeling spree, when she pointed that my future self would be pissed if I didn’t start supporting my breasts. She said that they would sag, among other horror stories that were brought up for a few months. I knew that she was right, and eventually I agreed to wear bras again. We bought some inexpensive, quasi-supportive bras. And I wore them for seven years. Sure, they stretched and faded. But I really did not care. I was doing the bare minimum for my breasts.

Then I walked into an independent bra and underwear boutique in Austin, Petitcoat Fair. And something clicked inside of me. My breasts deserve better! They should have a bra that correctly fits them and cradles them. They deserve to have a bra that helps them stand tall and proud. I deserve better than the bare minimum. This was the first time that I have really felt that way about my breasts. It was a revelation, and it was awesome.

Who knew that carefully selected, beautifully crafted, and well-fitting bras could make such a difference? But they do! Everyone deserves to have this experience. It can change your relationship with your breasts for the better, and who doesn’t want that? 

What has helped you relate to your breasts?

-          Lauren, recent convert to the breast celebration club

In a cheating situation, whose fault is it?

So people have been talking about the General Patraeus scandal. He is the head of the Central Intelligence Agency. He had an affair with his biographer, and investigators worry that he might have shared private, sensitive information with her. Fine. Worry about that. 

A local radio show had a bigger question: does his wife have a role to play in the affair? Apparently his wife has gained a significant amount of weight in the past few years, and she might not look as good as she has in the past. (This is what the radio show is proposing. I haven’t actually seen pictures.) They were suggesting that might have been part of the appeal of an affair. 

My kneejerk reaction is to defend General Patraeus’s wife. His actions have caused her distress and humiliation. He couldn’t keep his penis in his pants, so now their lives are being ripped apart on national television. And let me just get this out of the way: I believe that you should talk to your partner about issues in the relationship. You should work on them and put in 100% of your effort to fix them. Having an affair is not the answer. It is childish and hurtful. Divorce someone before you have sex with another person OR have an open relationship built on honesty. 

I am left wondering about what I would do if my partner gained weight and stopped putting in effort to keep up his appearance. I know that bodies change over the years. That is not what I am talking about. I am talking about a large shift in appearance that leads me to be less attracted to him. And vice versus. What if I stop exercising and taking pride in how I look? Is it fair for me to expect him to quietly sit as he becomes less attracted to me? He fell in love with one person, and now she looks completely different. I would hope that we could have a conversation about it before he chased down some hot young thang. I would also hope that I could take action and responsibility for my appearance. 

There is also a fine line that you walk in a relationship, and this is really tricky! What do you think?

-          Lauren, more shallow than she thought?