Reclaiming Our Beauty, ALL OF IT

“My clients don’t like to masturbate. They think that their vaginas are gross and ugly.” This statement came out during a presentation that I went to recently. The therapist was relaying some frustrations about women connecting to their bodies and taking ownership of their sexuality. Masturbation is a key to that empowerment. (No really. It is huge.) And so is reveling in our bodies, all of our bodies.

Statements like, “Vaginas are gross and ugly,” hurt my heart. They remind me of all of the social messages that we receive. “Don’t touch that. It’s dirty.” “Make sure you wash your vulva, so you don’t smell like a fish.” “You need to douche in order to be truly clean.” “Don’t be too hairy down there.” “You must wax your vagina completely and then add crystals to it, in order to be presentable.” “You shouldn’t let your partner perform oral sex. It’s gross for him or her or hir.” 

It is so difficult to get past messages like these, and yet they hold us back from celebrating our beauty, all of it. I have done a lot of work to let these statements go. They still get in my head sometimes, and I am quick to move them out. My vulva deserves better. I deserve better. My connection to myself is worth much more than a douche commercial. 

Here are some techniques that I used to connect to my vulva: I educated myself about my anatomy. I read empowering books, Cunt: A Declaration of Independence by Inga Muscio, is a good one. I started masturbating. I took up yoga. All of these things have helped me to connect to my vulva and to see its beauty. And it is a beautiful, strong, powerful part of our bodies. It deserves to be celebrated as much as the rest of us, if not more.

How do you see the beauty in yourself, all of it?

-   Lauren, Negative Social Message Burner

She put that sugar on my tongue...

Alright people, we have been getting pretty deep lately. Talking about self-image, honoring boundaries, and representing yourself. These things are all important aspects of sexuality. They help us get in touch with ourselves and feel comfortable with who we are, which in turn helps us connect to our sexuality. We don’t always have to get super psychological when we are talking about sex stuff. Sometimes you need a light topic. Am I right? 

So this week, I am giving a shout out to Trick Daddy, Cee-lo, and Ludacris for their song, “Sugar.” Why? Because it is all about honoring the vulva. It’s not about slaying the vagina with their penises or having women ride their dicks. It is purely focused on how beautiful and wonderful the vulva is. Which is fucking awesome. Check it out!

I salute you Trick Daddy, Cee-lo, and Ludacris. I will add you to the list of musical artists that show vulvas some aural love, along with Lil Wayne. The list is getting longer, and I love it! 

-         -  Lauren, supporter of artists who respect the vulva   

What would be on your ME playlist?

Yesterday, I came across an article on Flavorwire about certain favorite bands that make you totally, “Undateable.” It had to be taken with a grain of salt, because one of my favorite bands is up there. And I don’t think that liking Foster the People makes me a douchebag. Maybe a little bit less hip than the average bear, but who cares? I can dance to that entire album. It also got me through the last hour of an eight hour drive, which you know is the worst hour of the whole trip. The songs may be written by a dude who used to create commercial jingles, but THAT ONLY MAKES THEM BETTER!

Anyway, I digress. We are here to talk about empowerment and celebrating oneself and connecting to our essence. That article did get me thinking about the songs that make up ME, or that tap into the different parts of me. What are the funny, smart, sassy, encouraging, interesting, heart-filled, sometimes awkward, covertly delicate, overtly strong, and sexy songs that have become more than just music and lyrics? What are my anthems? The songs that I can put on and they touch my soul every single time, because they have come to represent me. 

So I made a list of my top ten anthems, and I would encourage you to do the same. It is fun to hear a playlist of YOU, where you have been and where you are now. It is different from drawing how you see yourself. I almost think that it is more telling and more interesting. You are baring more through your playlist. Now, be gentle with your song choices; they don’t all have to be Flavorwire approved. This is YOUR list. Have fun celebrating the music that makes you, you!

To get things started and to keep me honest, here is a video for one of mine, Outkast's So fresh, So clean!

-          Lauren, Proud new owner of a ME playlist